sweet

Worked overtime yesterday and had a run of lovely names:

Rose Wood
Daisy Fields
and the wonderful Hope Bloom

Funny how the nice ones are always female. Male names are mostly boring, at best weird. But on the other hand they really have the best ways to snuff it.

Such as this one. Best.Cause.Of.Death.Ever.

Gored by bull.

He wasn't even a farmer. Or in Pamplona.

the friday shirt rules

The friday shirt is my most important item of work clothing. Well, apart from trousers that is, I'm not an exhibitionist.
Selection is an exacting process: the shirt must be busy, loud or striking. Preferably all three.
But, and here's the trick, it should not actually look like a dog's breakfast (or smell like one at the end of the day - so no polyester).
It should be a shirt that induces hilarity but not regurgitation.

oops!

Interesting day yesterday:

One of our long-term employees (i.e. someone who probably couldn't get a job in a sheltered workshop) mistakenly shredded several batches of unprocessed birth applications.. including cheques, money orders and actual money..

It's hilarious really. Well, it is for me since I don't have to deal with it - being a Death specialist.

As far as balls-ups go it ranks below the Debt Recovery team accidentally invalidating the driver's licenses of everyone beginning with 'P' (including the entire NSW police force), but alongside someone leaving the day's bank-bag containing cash, cheques, money orders and credit card details out on the counter and it being stolen..

Bureaucracy is so much fun when it goes tits up.

co-winkydink

Funny how things flow: the bunch of names I dealt with this morning included an Ede, a Gee, a Eeg and a Dee.

That's all. No story.

weirdos I have worked with

Sitting just over the divider from me (I dwell in cubicle hell..) is a strange little Jordanian woman.
She has little tantrums to herself on an almost hourly basis involving things like smacking the desk loudly whilst on the phone to a client, throwing piles of paper around the desk if she can't find something, thumping her keyboard and muttering to herself in Arabic (Jordanian?), or putting her face in her hands and groaning loudly.
It was a little disconcerting at first. I thought she was complaining to me or about me to someone else, but the more I get to know her I'm not sure if she even knows she's doing it.
It's kinda amusing and yet another example of how people around here are all slightly around the twist.

damn molluscs..

Fax from a funeral director the other day:

"We wish to purchase another copy of the Death Certificate for the late ****. His widow, Mrs ****, did not collect the cerificate from her mail box and the snails ate most of the certificate."

Hilarious.

lyric of the week

I wanted to walk through the empty streets
And feel something constant under my feet
But all the news reports recommended that I stay indoors
Because the air outside will make
Our cells divide at an alarming rate
Untill our shells simply cannot hold
All our insides in
And that's when we'll explode
...and it won't be a pretty sight.

We Will Become Silhouettes
- The Postal Service

hammer time

Today one of our customer service people got into an argument with someone on the phone and as her voice got louder & louder people started popping up over the dividers to see what was going on.

Looking across the office from my vantage point it reminded me very much of that game Whack-A-Mole.

An apt comparison, considering what we do most of the day is burrowing around in paperwork. Also: most of the people here are myopic troglodytes.

Ahh, my kingdom for a really huge mallet..

mondayitis

at last: my name in nudes!

Nudify Your Name!

(nod & wink to Avatar)

five times two

Five old(er) albums I never tire of:

Portishead - Dummy
Massive Attack - Blue Lines
Joy Division - Transmission
Tom Waits - Small Change
The Pixies - Surfer Rosa/Come On Pilgrim

Five new(ish) albums I haven't tired of:

The Wiseguys - Executive Suit
Aimee Mann - Magnolia Soundtrack
Badly Drawn Boy - About A Boy Soundtrack
Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights
Belle & Sebastian - Dear Catastrophe Waitress

verbosity

Current top five favourite words:
Thieve
Muddle
Cahoots
Puck
Quantum

Five least liked words:
Muesli
Juice
Good
Nasal
Scrofula

trivial

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Fishboy!

1. Fishboy is actually a mammal, not a fish.
2. Fishboy has only one weakness - the colour yellow!
3. Fishboy can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast!
4. Devoid of his cells and proteins, fishboy has the same chemical makeup as sea water.
5. Snow White's coffin was made of fishboy.
6. Fishboy never said 'Play it again, Sam'.
7. Scientists believe that fishboy began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
8. Four-fifths of the surface of fishboy is covered in water.
9. People used to believe that dressing their male children as fishboy would protect them from evil spirits.
10. Fishboy is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

workwordnamemadnessmashup

Louis Lewis?! Why would you do that to your kid? Why!?

Chocolate Consultant. Best.Job.Ev0r!

Doctor Hittman! His initials are disturbing too: GBH. Hope he wasn't into nominative determinism..

P. Ong! That stinks..

King Sze Ho. Ok, to my initial cursory glance that was hilarious.

There's a place called Mad in Hungary. I think I need to visit..

This guy was Batman! Greatest job description ev0r! (yes I know it's an Army thing.. let me have my delusions, ok?)

Sweetest thing anyone's said to me lately: "Hope your Friday is kind to you. Tell me if it's not and I'll slash it's tires."

top 10 capital city names

Ulaanbataar
Adis Ababa
Tashkent
P'yongyang
Ashgabat
Havana
Paramaribo
Rjekyavik
Damascus
Khartoum

Best Batman Joke Ever

Monkeys!

(props to Linkmachinego)

top 10 albums 2005

In no particular order:

Mesmerize - System Of A Down
Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes
Arular - M.I.A.
Frances The Mute - The Mars Volta
In Case We Die - Architechture in Helsinki
Guero - Beck
Blinking Lights and Other Revelations - Eels
Welcome To Jamrock - Damien Marley
A Grand Don't Come For Free - The Streets

Best Rediscovery Of An Old Album (A Tie):
Another Green World - Brian Eno
Shadows on a Flat Land - Darktower

Best Album That I Haven't Heard Yet:
Based On A True Story - Fat Freddy's Drop

Most Overhyped Twaddle:
Wolfmother - Wolfmother

Most Eagerly Awaited 2006 Release:
The Life Pusuit - Belle & Sebastian