listygoodness

Top ten fictional cities:

10. Mega City One
9. Viriconium
8. The Sprawl
7. Gormenghast
6. Lankhmar
5. Interzone
4. Sin City
3. Ankh-Morpork
2. New Crobuzon
1. Pile

lalalalala madness is all about...

... and it looks like fun!

Town name: Wycheproof. I'd like to take a bunch of Pagans there to see if it really is..

I think it's kinda strange and a little depressing that cemeteries have different sections. It's like the divisions between 'Us' and 'Them' have to continue after death. Divide people up by their religion and/or ethnic group. What the hell is that all about? Can't let any outsiders in, foreigners who might mix with and dilute the purity of our dead.. It's sad that all these religions who profess to be all about the life beyond this too solid flesh put so much emphasis on what happens to your cast-off shell once the soul has left it.

Traveling buy bus as I do every day it's interesting to see what people read. I'm fairly accepting of most things, even appalling women's magazines and Harry Fucking Potter, but it's just a little too wanky to be reading Nietzsche at 8:30 in the morning. You're not fooling anyone mate.

How appropriate: a funeral home on Mort Street.

One small simple way to make sure you look like a total cock: wear one of those bluetooth cell phone earpieces. Especially when you're on the bus. It just screams "I'm a self-important wanker with cheap cologne".

John A. Hole...
*snigger*
Yeah, I'm peurile.

Dong Mei Wang!
*laughing*

It must be a Friday.
Thank god...

world office

The multiculturalness of this office is quite cool, I work with:

A Papua New Guinean
2 Philippinos
An Irishman
A Russian
A Ukranian
A Croatian
A Singaporean
2 Englishmen
An Indian (from India, not the other flavour)
2 Malays
A Kenyan
An Argentinian
2 Lebanese (actually from Lebanon, not one of the sub-woofer driving dicks from Parramatta)
A Palastinian
2 Kiwis (the people, not the birds)

Oh, and there are also some Aussies. Somewhere. I think.

you don't have to be crazy to work here..

..but you will be soon enough. Some random crap:

Daftest place-name of the week: Wantabadgery. I swear I'm not making this up!

My totally non-scientific experience of trends in death leads me to believe that, while there are more deaths during Winter, it's in Spring when the suicides go through the roof. Or rather jump off the roof. Usually with something around their necks. God this job can be depressing at times.

*gasping.. laughing too much*
Oh god, some parents just don't think do they?
There's a guy named Christopher Phillip Bacon!
Chris P Bacon...
Oh dear oh dear..
*cracks up again*

Night Watch

I finally saw this movie last night. I'm so glad I did.
It's trip, a hell of a ride, pretty wrenching and gritty.
Gritty in the non-Hollywood sense.
Not just an artful smudge of dirt over someones' makeup indicating grime, or a touch of blusher to show a bruise on the forehead after a fight.
The fight sequences aren't artistically and balletically performed, the use of jump-cuts and close-ups in the action sequences in this flick *add* to the realism rather than (as is usual) hide flaws in choreography.
The fights are visceral, bloody, painful and very very final.
The movie starts with one of the most gruesome medieval-battle sequences I've seen - a true melee, formless, gory and exceedingly violent.
Also, as it turns out, pointless and unwinnable.
This is by no means the best movie ever but it is an excellent riposte to Hollywood. It has all the trappings of a Hollywood fantasy/action flick: secret societies of 'Others' living amongst us, the Good vs Evil fight, magical powers, vampires, car chases (alright, bus chases, but the effect is the same), explosions, fight sequences, impending doom and destruction of the world to avoid, etc.
All by-the-book things from the LA studio manual.
But the fact that it wasn't made in the US or with any Hollywood input gives a very important edge and twist.
A twisty edge in fact.
The Light Others (the eponymous Night Watch) aren't really all that good. Some may mean well - especially in the case of the main character, the beautifully conflicted and ambiguous Anton, but their truce with the Dark Others and the rules of that uneasy peace strip away much of the supposed goodness. As any bureaucracy does.
Organise something and you take much of the passion out of it.
But they do their jobs. And their jobs involve very morally questionable things like using humans as live bait and tokens in their game.
As long as the rules are followed much evil is allowed on either side.

I'd say more but it'll give too much away.
The overall mood of the film is one of melancholy and impending doom, and the ending is very Russian.
This is one movie I seriously hope they make a sequel to.
Go see it.

friday five

Yes I know it's monday, I'm always late. I figured after the 100 things meme taking more than a year to complete I'd keep my lists a bit shorter.

1) What is your favorite noise to hear?
The noise I hear most often that I love is the sound of the coffee percolator in the morning. It's also the best smell. But the sound that I love that I hear almost never is the sound of a steam train whistle in the distance. There's something beautifully mournful and alluring about that sound.

2) If you could live in any era of time, what would you choose and why?
I'd love to have been around in Roman times, probably around the reign of Vespasian, but only if I was a member of the upper classes. And even then I'd have difficulties with sanitation and food storage. For hedonistic reasons I'd have loved to have been around in Paris in the 20s.

3) You just found $50 while cleaning your house. Where do you decide to spend it?
Bookshop or CD store. That's a no brainer.

4) What magazines to you subscribe to/read on a normal basis?
Sight & Sound - the British Film Institute magazine. I've been getting that monthly for nearly 10 years now.
New Scientist - on a more irregular basis, when something catches my eye.
Fortean Times - even more irregularly these days, but whenever I'm looking for something bizarre and intriguing that's where I go.

5) If you could witness any event in history, but not change anything about it, what would you choose and why?
I'd love to have seen the birth of the Mediterranean - to have been around when the Atlantic burst through what is now the Straits of Gibraltar. That would have been just incredible. But I guess that's pre-history really. Within recorded human history.. I'd like to have been in Manchester for the seminal Sex Pistols gig.. Or Joy Division. Yeah, Joy Division.

giggleworthy

I could watch this for hours:

Falling George.

Thanks to Dan - always a source of quality interweb stuff.

Like the Fainting Goats!

I want one of these for Christmas. Hours of fun.
Am I a bad man?

More pics.

*laughing*

A heartwarming (and snigger-inducing) fainting goat story:
One man and his goats.

fishboy's tips for young players

Grooming: When ironing your shirt in the morning, do not attempt to drink coffee at the same time. Especially if it's a white shirt. Motor reflexes and general coordination are poor in the first few hours of the day (at least for normal humans - you 'morning people' can fuck right off).

Additional tip: after spilling coffee on said white shirt do not, in a fit of pique, throw the shirt onto a pile of dirty smelly clothes (including the previous night's sweat-sodden gi) until you've ascertained whether you actually have another shirt to wear, as this means you will not only be forced to wear a stained shirt but also one that smells like a donkey died on it.

End note: in Sydney at the moment you may be saved from some embarrassment by the fact that your shirt will become saturated with fresh sweat within 15 seconds of leaving the house anyway. Use this opportunity to further your reputation for being generally scruffy and unkempt.

work stuff (yet again)

I'm uninspired. Can't think of anything of my own to write so I'll just make fun of people like I always do:

Best misspelling of an occupation today: 'Loss Asser'. Nearly made my coffee come out my nose.

Worst surname: D'Ombrain. Poor woman, I just hope she wasn't blonde too.

In this morning's selection I've had a Howe, a Why and a Ware. Not quite 'Who's on First' but pretty good for confusing the poor dimbrains in the printroom.

Best line from a Funeral Director's hold spiel: "at some point in our lives we are all affected by death". Doesn't get much truer than that! Usually happens fairly close to the end of life though..

Stunning lack of imagination from some trailer-park trash - 4 kids by three different parents: 2 girls (Brittany and Paris! Gak!), and 2 boys - both called Shane. She could have at least called one of them Wayne..

Had someone today named S. Nora. Man they must have gotten teased so much at school...

That's all. Get back to work.

weirdness

We just had a birth certificate returned to us because the person objects to having a number!

"I am rejecting the use of a number to represent my physical body or name. This is due to a strong religious belief I now hold in God Almighty and His Son Jesus Christ. I follow the law and commandments of God which I believe forbid the use of any number being used to represent, be in place of or associated with my name for any purpose."

I wonder if she's Brethren or some similar cultish sect? I don't imagine she's Closed Brethren since she wouldn't be able to send a letter - I don't think their women are allowed contact outside of the community. Perhaps just a happy-clappy with some extreme biblical interpretation.

By her reasoning she couldn't have a passport, bank account or even a telephone. No internet access, no driver's license, no memberships for pretty well any organisations. She'd have difficulty going to the doctor or anywhere that uses a ticketing system for visitors. She couldn't even buy a lottery ticket.

On the whole I like that she's making a stand on it, pushing the system to justify its position and test whether those reasons are firm enough to overrule personal convictions. Even if she's doing it for loony religious reasons.

Of course she's pushing butter up a porcupine's arse with a hot needle but I'm interested to see how far she gets.

call me names

I think I'm going a little mad.
(go on, make the comment, you know you're dying to..)

I've a tendency to sign my work emails with a mock name. Well, a *partially* mock name.
It started fairly innocuously with my becoming "Brother Jeff", then "Cap'n Jeff", and developing into "Shop Floor Foreman Jeff" and "Comrade Jeffski".

But I think it's starting to get out of control - recently I've been:

Sheik Jeffstapha
Big Chief Sitting Jeff
Superjeff
Senor Jeffesto
Jeff's Evil Twin
Jeff, The Good Twin (honest!)
Jolly Rogering Pirate Jeffarrrrrr
Wing Commander Jasper Winston Fforde-Jeff (ret.)
His Holiness Jeff Paul III
First Maaaaaaaaate Jeffa
Zen Master Jeffoyama
Junior Vice-President Jeff Jeffson III
Professor Jeff PhD FRSA MD FUBAR
Lord Jeff of Jefferhampton
Ensign Jeff (making it so)
Cheese Eater Pierre Henri Le Jeffouis
The Right Honourable Jeff
The Left (Dis) Honourable Jeff
Chief Engineer Scotty McJeff
Witchfinder Lieutenant Jeffston
Jeff Nahasapenapetalan
Corporal Jeff Shultz
Special Agent Jeff Mulder
Scullery Maid Jeffette
Private Second Class Jeff Ryan (save me!)
Captain Jeff Yossarian
Brigadier-General Timothy St John Carruthers-Jeffingham, VC & BAAAA
Kaiser Gunther Helmut Jeffitz

The insanity continues...