I'm so tuff... I get my mother to iron my shrts - while I'm wearing them

Anyone still remember George Smilovici? Anyone? No?

Anyway..

I'm new to ironing, never before having had a job that required 'office-style' presentableness. Well, that's not exactly true - some of my previous jobs have actually required that but since they never enforced the rule I chose to ignore it. Perhaps they realised that getting me to look presentable was pissing in the wind so let me lapse into my usual scruffy decrepitude.

But this job, being an office drone, has a relatively strict dresscode (which is strange because we never need to actually see our clients). Hence my having to spend an inordinate amount of time every morning trying to get a shirt flattened. I think my near-death experience with an iron a few weeks ago was the universe's way of telling me to get a different job.

My issue this time is with the dially thing on irons. Y'know, the speed setting. Or at least I assumed it was a speed setting - and a discussion with my workmates lead me to realise that most guys see it as such. Jack it up to as hot as possible and the ironing goes quicker. Simple.

Apparently, I've been reliably informed by some of my female coworkers, this setting has something to do with different types of clothing. Which I think must be rubbish because there isn't a setting for 'shirt' on my iron.

If you're going to make an iron for the average guy there should a speed setting going from 'fast' through 'faster' to 'fastest', and another dial with 'shirts', 'trousers', and 'ties' on it. Perhaps another one for 'damp socks'. That's all we need.